Grief

Matthew 5:4  “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”

Odd statement. But upon further reflection, I am not sure if I have ever read truer words. My husband’s grandfather just passed away on November 4. I am writing a post that should be done very soon that is about his grandparent’s incredible love story. For now, though, I want to focus on my husband. We are two different types of grievers: I hold everything up and he is more open. (I admire that about him.) The Wednesday after his grandfather passed away, we ended up driving down to South Carolina. I tested the speed limits and got us into town in time for Trae to view the body with his family.

My husband cried when we walked into the room that held his grandfather. We had seen Papa on Sunday, alive and doing as well as could be. Now it was Wednesday. As my husband stood there, something odd happened: I felt more love for my husband than I ever had before. I wanted to hug him and never let him go. I felt blessed that I was there for him (Trae was originally going to come into town before I did) and blessed that he had been comfortable enough to show me this side of him.

Grief brings out raw emotion: emotion that we are only willing to show to those who we truly love. When we open to our spouse in such an emotional state, we  are allowing ourselves to reach a new level of intimacy. Normally intimacy brings about thoughts of sex and bedrooms, but intimacy has many sides. Intimacy can be sharing a memory with a spouse, being sick in front of spouse, crying in front of a spouse, being angry, etc. Intimacy is a moment, good or bad, that makes you closer to your spouse. I know that I felt closer to my spouse after he had to take care of me when I had the flu: no make-up, drippy nose, and fever. I would never let anyone else see me that way just like I tend to be calmer when I yell at football refs when others are around (if it is just Trae, I will under no certain terms let him know how bad they are at play calling). That Wednesday night, Trae showed me a side of himself that I had never seen before and for that I am grateful. It allows me to be there for him as a spouse and support him in a way I never have before and it has also brought us closer together.

Blessed are those couples who are truly honest with each other emotionally, because they truly know each other and will be able to support one another.

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