Bugs: Not Just for Stomachs

Sometimes you can love, tend to, and care for something, but it will still not flourish. Bugs have gotten to it, and they have made a smorgasbord out of the leaves and baby veggies. The plant eventually dies, never having a chance to reach its potential. Now, bugs can bite you too, but when bugs happen to a marriage, a couple has let outside sources nibble away at the exterior or the leaves of the couple’s relationship. In other words, you let an outsider, whether it is a co-worker, a friend, or a family member, eat away at the feelings you have towards your spouse.

When Trae and I were having problems, I ended up talking to one my friends about the situation a good bit. I over shared with her and  we commiserated about husbands together. The conversations started out semi-light hearted and then ended up painting our husbands in a more unfavorable light.The more I talked to her, the more negatively I looked towards my husband. I did not see any of the good things he would do and hyper focused on everything “wrong” he did. She in turn would complain about her husband. In the end, this friend and her husband ended up getting an ugly divorce. Under her influence, I felt extremely negative towards Trae. I had to retrain my brain and grow new fruit when I realized that this friend was being a bug and nibbling away at my leaves. If I had not realized the adverse attitude I had acquired and changed my behavior patterns, my plant would have died.

Some bugs can be good. Apparently spiders are eight-legged demons* that help keep your garden from becoming bug infested. In other words, look at what bug you choose to talk to (or squash). If you do choose to talk to a friend, be wary of over sharing. A marriage is between two people, not two people and a friend who knows everything. If you do need someone to reveal more to, consider a counselor. A counselor can help you as a couple and as a one-on-one bases.  Having a positive influence, your plant will have healthy leaves and your marriage will have much stronger roots.

In Zig Ziglar’s words, “positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will.”  This saying is especially true for marriages. Be positive that you will overcome the hard times, and then you will. Be negative and the bugs feast faster, which makes the plant of marriage die even faster.

*Spider disclaimer: I hate spiders. Once in high school, my mother and I woke up one of my friends who spent the night. We were screaming and trying to suck up a spider with the vacuum. If you want to hear more about my spider adventures, you can read about them here.

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